How do you Step Parent?

How do you actually step parent?

Well, believe it or not, there is actually no one ‘right’ way to stepparent.

You are now part of a blended family which comes with its own unique twists and turns, and there is simply no one-size-fits-all solution.

Compromising is a huge part of being an effective stepparent.

But compromising does not mean giving in all the time in order to try and be the popular and ‘cool’ one. Especially if you know your partner’s ex would hold the completely opposite view to whatever you are wanting to do.

For example, if there is a “rule” about no concerts or going to the movies on a school night, don’t be the one to suddenly take your stepchild just to be the ‘hip’ step parent.

Life has an amazing way of serving up karma when you least expect it. You might be able to see it right now but one day there will come a time when you will want your rules to be observed and respected, So you need to show the other parent (the ex) the courtesy of doing the same. Even if they are the ex from hell. There is a reason for everything.

One good tip is to find lots of different ways of initiating positive things within your step and/or blended family. Then you can begin to carve out your own path of what makes a good step parent.

It really is so important to remember that being thrust into the role of a step-parent can happen to anyone at any time.

There is a really fine line about getting involved too early and too deeply too soon. While you might want to be pro-active and, in your mind, as supportive as you think you possibly can be, there is a major risk that acting too quickly or too abruptly may backfire spectacularly.

However, if this does happen you should not feel that you have failed. Far from it. It may have nothing to do with you or your actions. It may simply mean that your stepchildren may not be at the stage you are. They may not ready for certain things and you may simply have to take a step back until they are.

This is very normal situation and you should not blame yourself or feel like you have failed. Often, step parenting is about trying again and again.

Sometimes your stepchildren may be in that quite normal stage of refusing to accept that you are now a parent to them. If one or both of their other parents are complacent, don’t set rules like you would like to set, and simply go with the flow then those stepchildren will end up selfish, lazy, entitled and in some cases manipulative as they have witnessed the games played within the blended family dynamic.

Remember, all you can control is what you say, how you say it and what you do. It should always be calm, measured and never in anger.