What does it mean to actually be a step parent?
To actually be a step parent means you are stepping into and stepping up into a role to try and make a difference in someone’s life.
No matter how old your stepchild is when you become a step parent, it is a role that is not to be taken lightly.
It is also not a role that anyone dreams of playing when they are growing up.
The fairy tale Cinderella is one of the first introductions children get regarding stepmothers and step sisters and while it is just a fairy tale, let’s face it, it portrays the absolute worst end of the spectrum of step parenting!
Luckily, there is a happy ending in that fairy tale. But as we all read along, the reader’s sympathies are with Cinderella and how badly she is treated by her step mother and step sisters. So the fairy tale marks your role as the “bad guy” or the “wicked witch”.
To actually be a step parent means you are stepping into and stepping up into a role to try and make a difference in someone’s life.
No matter how old your stepchild is when you become a step parent, it is a role that is not to be taken lightly.
It is also not a role that anyone dreams of playing when they are growing up.
The fairy tale Cinderella is one of the first introductions children get regarding stepmothers and step sisters and while it is just a fairy tale, let’s face it, it portrays the absolute worst end of the spectrum of step parenting!
Luckily, there is a happy ending in that fairy tale. But as we all read along, the reader’s sympathies are with Cinderella and how badly she is treated by her step mother and step sisters. So the fairy tale marks your role as the “bad guy” or the “wicked witch”.
However, in reality there are many occasions where the roles are reversed. There are countless examples of step parents who are not treated very well by their stepchildren and in most cases they merely cop it and remain silent. Sadly, that can often be the sad – and most unspoken – part of being a stepparent.
I always say being a stepparent is all about remaining flexible in the face of every challenge, but there is a fine line between and the realisation that blended family life may sometimes be like a fragile carton of eggs and being unfairly walked all over. Sometimes it might be sailing in calm waters but at other times everything may end up scrambled!
Step parenting gives you chance to play a positive role in someone’s development. It gives you a chance to encourage, praise and guide a young person.
It does not give you a chance to criticise or embark on some kind of a power trip in order to get back at your partner’s ex whom you may think is not parenting the way you would.
If your partner has been widowed, this is a completely different scenario but in the majority of circumstances you will become a step parent where there will also be a living ex involved in the children’s lives to some extent.
While you may not be a parent yourself, your natural instincts to want to help someone are right along the lines of what a step parent should want to be.
Whether it is helping a young stepchild learn a new card game, colouring within the black lines a little neater or helping them conquer the training wheels coming off a bike.
It is not about criticising how they colour or how they ride. It is all about patience and maybe even helping them on things that your partner may not understand (such as maths homework!).
Above all, it is doing the best job you can do within the circumstances that you are in.
It does not revolve around how much money you have, or what you own. It certainly doesn’t revolved around how much money you spend on your step child!
Being a step parent means being that person who cares and/or loves and wants the best for their partner’s children - who are a part of him or her and always will be.
As a step parent, you fell in love with someone who brought human beings into the world before you came into their lives. Yes it may be tough at times to accept, but as a step parent you cannot change that.
